well as people seem to be using live journal

Many will have read it already its only the first chapter but im in the mood to post it neway i don have much else to say other than im ill.
got 2nite off work (cos im ill) so im gana write a bit more i think. its getting quite long now... im nearly onto leviticus oh i know that will be fun especialy the immoral shell fish.


Mu Hible



Once upon a time god decided to create the world no one really knows why.
He made the universe and decided to concentrate on earth do not know why he picked earth and he cant have made the whole universe as he hadn’t made stars ect yet but the bible claims he made the whole universe in one go so I suppose we have to believe them. I recon the universe must only have had earth in to start with which is probably why he started on earth.
Either way god now creates light (darkness we already had thrown in for free) no sun ect yet of cource just light. Then he separates the water into sky and…. Not sky, sea I suppose. (now we know why the sky is blue its because its actually just lots of water this also helps explain rain).
Then he makes land ect ect
Then god creates stars the sun and the moon to help us tell the passing on time and stuff like that. I suppose perhaps he made them so we could go to space as well he must of known we might explore but it doesn’t say that. Then god makes lots of animals ect ect.
By the 7th day god got kind of bored and stopped, claiming he needed a rest.
Then god makes plants grow ect ect dispite the fact he hasn’t even invented rain at this point he had to make water come up from under the surface which seems more effort than its worth to me.
Then god makes man (out of dirt) and makes Garden of Eden in the east (east of where is what interests me to be honest saying he put it east isn’t very helpful.)
Btw were called man because apparently man and ground have similar sounding names in Hebrew.
He put 4 rivers in Eden I don’t know why or what the relevance is except he still hadn’t invented rain and needed to water plants.
Then man names the animals falls asleep and god steals one of his ribs (without his consent I might add)
Luckily man did sue and instead seemed quite pleased she’s called woman because apparently that sounds a bit like man (people are not very original with names in the bible everything just sounds similar to something else it was made from as this was gods idea I kind of borrowed it I am sure he doesn’t mind hence the name Mu Hible).
Snake tricks woman (no still not eve she is still referred to as woman) into eating fruit woman tells man to do the same (no hard to see who wore trousers in their relationship if of course you ignore the fact that they didn’t wear clothes).
Anyway they eat fruit and they then know good evil bla bla they get embarrassed and need to put on clothes god to his credit works out what’s going on fairly quickly. Although really he should have put a fence round the tree or perhaps not put the tree there at all really god was asking for trouble when he made that tree its like telling someone not to turn round its so hard to resist turning round.
Anyway back on track god gets a bit pissed off with them first he makes snakes and women hate eat other and dooms snakes to eat dust the rest of their lives (yes that’s right snakes in fact live on dust a little known fact they don’t eat mice at all probably just consume them for the dust in their fur or something.
God dooms man and woman to need to “work hard and sweat” to make food he makes them clothes out of animal skin (although its worth noting at this point humans don’t kill animals for food (In fact I doubt they kill them for any other reasons either if they do go fox hunting it doesn’t state it)). As an additional penalty he makes child birth painful for women (I assume it was a synch before) also he makes woman “subject to him”
Now man names himself and his wife (Adam and eve) Adam because it sounds like mankind and eve because it sounds like living (don’t ask I don’t know why). Then god puts a flaming sword to defend the garden (on the east so I would approach it form the west if I were you).

Oh and to rub it in god makes them not immortal anymore but why he does this is far more revealing about his alternate motives for his actions. He is worried that man could one day come to rival him. He states “now man has become like one of us” he must not be aloud to live forever.
I think this speaks volumes for a start like one of us implies more than one god. But even assuming poor translation god is still stating that man has become like god.